I think for those who have followed me on here for a while know that my father and I don’t have a relationship. No, my parents aren’t divorced. My father just isn’t a father, mentally and emotionally. He is absent in that sense and the only noise I ever hear from him is still being scolded like I am a child. He just failed at being a father all my life.
So it has been bittersweet all day to see people uploading images of their fathers and praising them. Fathers being goofy and fathers smiling endlessly. It makes me happy that others have that, but makes me sad for myself.
My heart would rest if God could just show me or give me a sign telling me that this constant obstacle I have dealt with in life will be rewarded with a husband who can be everything a loving father should embody for my future children. Only then will this all put my constant anger at ease, to know that at least my children will have what I didn’t.
My daughters could grow up to say their first love was their father, who know how a man should be for them and their future. And my sons could learn how to be the best men they could for those around them.
Food for thought: How many people of our generation can you truly say would last for decades together? Couples who know the crucial ingredients to a healthy relationship? Where your weaknesses are the other person’s strengths and vice versa? Compassion, care, integrity, trust, brutal honesty, communication, and love are truly present? When you both can go through hell together and emerge from it stronger? When something is broken, you fix it and not run at the first sight of an obstacle? The ability for both people to put both of their egos aside and utter the words “I’m sorry” for the sake of saving a relationship rather than letting silence eat away at the bond formed over time, till it no longer exists? When the absence of a person alters your life and their presence brings about so much meaning? Where games are not played nor known, and when they speak you listen. Listen, not hear. Listen. When you can see the other person’s flaws, short comings, mistakes, and still love them with every single fiber of your being. Where being ashamed to show that you genuinely love the person is not an option, ever. Turning misunderstandings into understanding one another, and stimulating one’s mind before their body.Laying a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at you. When the children you welcome into this world can have their minds molded with positive outlooks on relationships because of both people? Tell me, how many people of this generation can you say embody these qualities?
Just finished this book and it hurt to turn the last page because I felt like I was bidding a friend farewell, no joke. Definitely earned a spot on my list of favorites.
One of my students spoke to the principal asking him if he can keep me around for next year permanently. She said that even though she won’t have my class, she would like me to be around.
Moments like these make up for the bad ones. :)
Sweet: It’s adorable listening to my uncle talk about how he takes his kids out to bike ride together and how he encourages them to take up activities like karate.
The bitter part? This is my father’s brother. Their personalities are day and night. I can’t remember the last time my own father hugged me.
Third (maybe fourth, I lost count) cup of cawfee today.
Is it 3:37 yet?
Can I go home?
Can I get a Big Mac and my bed?
I have been discussing Sexuality and Sexuality in the Media with my students. We have touched up tons of topics from gender roles to safe sex to relationships to advertisements to contraceptives to STDs.
Their activity today was to create their own advertisement that gave a positive message or reminder that increases knowledge and/or awareness.
These were some of my faves, I loved them all nonetheless. Click on the image to see them in a larger mode :)
If there is one thing my father’s character, indirectly, taught me it is to never marry a man who cannot be a father to my children. I’m not talking just being a father in terms of DNA, but a father who is available for them physically, mentally, and emotionally every single second of their lives. Someone who can mold a positive image of men for my daughters and teach my sons how to respect women as human beings and not objectify and oppress them.
And that ladies and gentlemen is one of the biggest reasons why I am 25 and don’t have an ounce of interest in anyone walking this Earth let alone close to being in a relationship/engaged/married.
My father was never there for me mentally and emotionally and doesn’t believe in communicating with his children. It’s his way or no way.
I’ll be damned if my children grow up the same way.
I get back in the classroom tomorrow :)
I haven’t been in one (to teach) since December 14 and I’m uber excited but nervous too because I’m somewhat taking over my student-teaching coop teacher’s position for some time. And I get to see my kiddiesssssss :D
Keep me in your duas please and thank you!